Low Rider

Almost another 2 weeks are down. 

Her kicks are getting stronger, still not strong enough for Jay to feel her though. She usually moves around about 30 mins after I eat and right before I go to bed, then randomly throughout the day. She's apparently a low rider. I can't feel her at all around my belly button or anything. I mainly feel kicks around my bladder and intestines. 

My jeans have gotten uncomfortable and I started wearing the band thing last weekend when I wear them. My black pants still fit. I went ahead and bought some maternity clothes. Just two pair of jeans, one pair of black pants and a tank top. I'm holding off as long as I can but at least I have a back-up if I need to. I wore the jeans for the first time today for reasons listed below. I can't tell you how weird it is to walk around in public in pants that don't zip or button. They are still a little big so they felt like they were going to fall down the whole time. 

The daycare saga continues. We were on our way to see another one yesterday morning and I got into a car wreck. I've never been in a car wreck before and it was totally my fault. I was so upset with myself. I'm a CAREFUL driver dammit, this is the first blemish on my record. I was going up a street in a very industrial area and every stop was a 4-way stop and I was looking for the street numbers on the buildings because I was trying to find the daycare (why I wasn't using the GPS on my phone and/or car, I don't know). I came to the (what I thought) was a 4 way stop and apparently it wasn't. I didn't yield and a lady plowed right into the side of my car. Poor Jay, he had to watch it all from his car right behind me. I'm fine, just a little sore. My car, not so much. The other lady's car, totaled. The adjuster said it was like $10k worth of damage on my car and it's going to take 2 to 3 weeks to fix. Ugh, my beautiful new car. I'm glad I was in the new car instead of the mustang!!! 

This is why I had to break down and wear the maternity jeans. I was worried about being sore so I wanted to wear the loosest thing I had to work the next day. It wasn't too bad but Tylenol sucks. It could've been MUCH worse so I'm very lucky. I was in a very industrial area so it could've been an 18 wheeler instead of a Toyota Venza and also I could've been by myself instead of having Jay there with me.  My pimpin rental is a Dodge Caravan. I will be trading it in very shortly though. I'm not rocking the minivan for another 15 days. 

Well it's time to start packing. We only have 2 weekends to pack before we move because we are going back to Oxford the weekend before we move. I'm so excited, I can't wait to get out of this apartment. I feel like everything has been put on hold until we move. When we get in there I can figure out what dimensions are where and what I need, etc, etc. Plus NO MORE STAIRS!!!! YEAH!!!!

My next appointment is on October 4th. I have to take the blood sugar test. Looking forward to that, not really. BUT I do get to have an ultrasound, which I love. My co-workers have decided to play the game of feed the pregnant lady. They bring me cake, etc. They've picked up on the fact that sweets are now irresistible to me, especially chocolate cake. Do you know how hard that is to resist? Baby Hawk likes cake, she takes after her Daddy on that. I'm going to have to nip the sweet feedings in the bud. It seems like everyone is always having a damn birthday. 

We are down to two names. I'm hoping Jay will break soon, he broke on the other one he was so adamant about, so I just need to wait him out. That's my game plan. I'm pretty hard headed, so he's no match for me...(insert evil laugh). Although, his patience and waiting skills are legendary. This shall be an epic battle. We both call her by the names we want so she will be very confused by the time she gets here.  

6 months down, 3 to go

Had an appointment today. 24 weeks and all is well.

My BP is good, I didn't gain any weight this month (which is amazing to me) and her heartbeat was 160. No sonogram today, he just listened to the heartbeat and measured my stomach, I've grown some centimeters but I can't remember how much. Had a small moment when he couldn't find the heartbeat but I should have told him she was more towards my back or at least that is where she is kicking, there and my lower intestines/bladder. He found her and said it was nice and strong. He says I'm doing great but I'm sure he says that to all the ladies :)

Next month I do get to have an ultrasound and have to take the glucose test. I'm NOT looking forward to that. I've taken that drink before and almost gagged, plus I have to sit there for an hour. I guess I'll need to bring a book! Oh well, I gotta do it.

There is a lot going on right now. I've started the daycare search process. We've looked at one and have an appointment with another on Monday. I'm going to look at 3 and unless the others are a good bit cheaper I'm probably going to get on the "waiting list" for the 1st one. Most of the people reading this have already heard about it but it's Willy Wonka's wonderland for babies. It's incredibly expensive but looks like everything out here is or at least the ones I feel comfortable leaving my baby with.

After I'm done and have made a decision on the daycare thing, I'm moving on the pediatrician. I got some recommendations from the doctor today, I've just got to figure out who's insurance is cheaper and who's in what network.

Jay has been put totally in charge of the move, I'm leaving it up to him. I can't do everything although it's driving me nuts to give up planning control.  I've warned him that his legendary procrastination skills will not work for this move, he has to book movers soon, etc, etc. or he will be moving all by himself :) To his credit though, he has already started packing us up and getting quotes. If you knew the stories, you would be impressed with this.

All of this has just got me very nervous about money. It seems that EVERYTHING is getting more expensive and is happening simultaneously with my work getting harder and harder to make money and more stressful. I know it will all work out and there are people who've made it way worse off than us but I've been dirt poor and in a place where all I could afford was Ramens and Totinos, I don't want to go back there. Whatever happens I know we are going to be okay.  I've been so careful and cautious these last couple of years in trying to get us out of that place, all of this extra expense seems like we are headed on a freight train back. I'm sure it's just me being overly anxious. Your money anxieties triple when you work commission. Jay and my co-workers are all over me about stress and working too much. Bad timing that my work has gotten more stressful than it's EVER been right when I get pregnant. They should have consulted with me and my family planning goals before making their decisions, I am that important after all :) I worked 12.5 hours the day before we left to go home. None of them were pleased, I was so exhausted I could barely see straight. I won't do it again, because I've taken so much crap about it and I know it's not good for me. I've limited myself to 30 extra mins a day and then I just have to get up and leave.

I've also got some kind of overwhelming urge to have everything done with the apartment/baby room before December. I'm having to keep myself from buying stuff too early because I don't even know what is going to fit and what isn't in the new apartment. But I just want to get it taken care of already. I think it's a combination of I'm excited to be somewhere new and I don't want to have to deal with this in December. I've also been trashing a lot of things in our house that we don't use.

I've dragged Jay to furniture stores, etc. By the way, if you want some afternoon entertainment you should "big purchase" shop with me and Jay. Two opinionated, analytical people who don't like to drop a lot of cash at one sitting shouldn't be allowed to shop together. At one point, one of the furniture people said, "I think you two have seen just about everything in here". This is because we circle the store and debate our opinions...LOL...you know, the pros and cons, and try to convince the other that we are right. Then at some point Jay just says "Get whatever you want" and then I get really mad because I know he's shut down and he's done. I want your opinion dammit and I want you to tell me and argue with me as to why mine is wrong.

We signed up for the "6 week" course of baby/birth education. I would say after my attempt at swaddling a paper towel roll this last weekend, I might need it or the poor baby might get hurt :)

That's all for now. Talk to you later.

Girl Talk

Well it's week 21 and it's a girl. I believe that most of the people that read this already know this though. I didn't care either way, but am a little relieved. I know girls, I do not know boys. I should've known with so many girls on my side of the family and so many on Jay's, we didn't have a shot at a boy. Now the great name debate will commence. It's going to end up being like the couch, we disagreed so much by the time we found one that was acceptable to both of us, we jumped on it.

This is going to sound absolutely nuts but I still don't think this feels 100% real to me. I'm slowly and cautiously talking about it more, getting more excited/nervous about it but for some reason it doesn't feel like it's really happening. I don't know what it's going to take to officially set in, it may never set in. I mean, I'm getting bigger, I started feeling little what I assume are kicks every once in awhile and I'm hungrier than I've ever been but it still feels like I'm in some kind of a dream and I'm going to wake up. I kept looking at the sonogram pictures and thinking, that's really in there? Are we sure? There is one where she is looking right at us, and it just seems so odd to me. This has been very hard for Jay to understand.

All other things at the doctor were good except......I gained 6 lbs.  I was very upset, yes...yes...I know there are other people that have gained a lot more weight than I have at this point but I just have this number looming in my head that I can't gain more than this amount. I will not make it, I know but it's still upsetting. Jay got upset with me because I was getting so upset about the weight. He said I cared more about that than finding out it was a girl. That's not true at all. I was excited but I was also mad at myself. Plus this plays back to the it's not 100% real thing, it's all such an outer body experience to me it's hard for me to express excitement. Before we went in, he asked me to act a little more emotional than just saying "That's cool" when we found out, like I did last time. This in turn made me more self conscious and I just started rambling in the room and felt weird.

This last month, I completely let it all go and have eaten what I wanted to and what was convenient. I've developed a definite sweet tooth. I would prefer to eat sweets over anything right now but I'm not giving in as much as I want to.  Thank the lord there isn't a dairy queen anywhere around me because their damn commercials make me salivate and they seem to sponsor everything out here. This next month, with the exceptions of trips home, we've got to rein it in. It's not good for us or the baby.

Blood pressure was perfect again, he said that all of her functions such as heart, kidneys, etc looked good. I started feeling little bubbles, more at night than anytime, she seems to be more active then or maybe I'm not busy selling loans or doing anything else that I actually feel it.

We have a new apartment, and I'm excited. I've literally started counting the days on the stairs. I hate them. I can't decide what to do about the baby's room though. I want to try to put some kind of bed/couch/futon/daybed type deal in there for when people visit, but then I think I'll just get a really nice blow up mattress since people rarely visit us anyway. Don't know what to do but I've got some time to figure it out. One things for sure, the baby's room faces east, so I will be buying blackout curtains!!

That's all I've got right now.  Talk to you later.

Solitude

This weekend it's just me, well sort of. This will probably be the last time I'll be completely by myself and free to do whatever I feel like for a very long time. So what have a done, NOTHING :)

I've taken a nap, watched a lot of television, re-watched one of my favorite movies and bought myself a  little thing of my all time favorite ice cream, Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide. Apparently the baby likes it too! I would take a bath in it if I could. Tonight I might play with some makeup (one of my favorite hobbies in college), take a long hot shower, deep condition my hair and rent a movie through On Demand. 

In college, Jay worked Friday nights. Almost every friday night he was at work. I spent many of those nights just like this, doing what I wanted to do and eating things Jay refused to eat. I miss those nights. They come around only once or twice a year now and soon it will be probably be even less. Don't get me wrong I'm excited about the future and having someone to take care of but I know I need to cherish the solitude of this weekend. I only wish I didn't share a building with someone because I would love to be able to sing really loud like I used to in high school. I guess I always have the car for that.

This week:

Nothing much happened this week except for me expanding. I broke down and bought one of those fabric bands that will "extend" the life of your pants. I don't need it yet, but I can tell it's coming and at least I'll already have it here when I do. 

Last weekend I had kind of a mini meltdown. Well, not really a meltdown, I just cried, which has become a common occurrence so I guess you could say it was a normal day. I started looking into the actual "having" the baby part. It freaked me out a little bit. I would like someone to knock me out and wake me up when it's over. I seem to recall my mother in law saying that happened with her first child, can we go back to those days? That would be awesome, my sister in law is perfectly normal so I know it doesn't hurt the baby. Also, what happened to the Dad's waiting outside? I'm not into all this touchy feely, enjoy the experience and let's film and watch it in a mirror thing. 

I truly do believe it's a miracle, but it's a gross miracle. I would like to bypass the gross part and get to the part where we are holding the baby and it's all cute and stuff. I started crying and told Jay that I had changed my mind and would like to have a baby without actually having a baby....LOL. Of course I haven't but I was just freaked out. 

Jay is already saying he's not going to cut the cord because that's too gross. I just keep thinking...buddy you better toughen up because you have no idea. I told him he's going to have to or they are going to think he's a weirdo. He says he might pass out...oh geez, I might be better off with him in the waiting room. He seems to think he's somehow going to be in the room with me and miss all of the gross stuff. My husband is delusional.

I've never broken anything, been in the hospital, etc, so it all freaks me out. I got on some blog and read about some of the gory details. I shouldn't have. I figured it's better to know than to not know, I immediatly regretted this decision. The pooping and peeing yourself, while plugged up to machines and being numb from the waste down really got to me. Not to mention what they say happens after!! This is not how babies arrive in the story books. Can someone just get me a stork please?  

I think I felt a kick, I can't tell. I've felt it a couple of times but it might be gas, who knows. One was towards my lower back, it felt like a very light flick or bubble popping. 

I did find out about my maternity leave, so I can check that off the list. I just have to decide if I'm going to work up until I have the baby or make a scheduled day my last day. I guess I'll have to wait and see how thing progress, that might be a decision I can't make until November. I also am going to have to decide how long I'm going to take. I can take 12 weeks, how much of those I get paid is up to short term disability. More than likely it will be 6 weeks paid though. 

A large part of me wants to take the full 12 weeks but I'm a sales person, I don't make diddly doo if I'm not in my seat at work selling mortgages. It's going to take me at least 3 months to rebuild everything when I get back and start making money again so if I take the full 12 weeks, I might not start making money again until June of next year! I do get a base pay but it's less than what the part time gas station clerk makes so I won't be totally without. We shall see. It's probably going to depend on the daycare situation too, I might not be able to take a baby that's two months old. I guess I need to start working on that. I need to start googling best daycares in the metroplex. I wish I could pay someone to do the research for me, also I need someone to grocery shop and clean the house too :) They also need to perform these services for free. Please let me know if you know anyone?

Decisions, decisions. It'll all work out though. 

17 weeks, almost 18

On Tuesday I will be 18 weeks. Almost half way through. Went to the doctor at 16 weeks and everything is fine. I heard the heartbeat, which was very reassuring. My blood pressure is perfect and I lost one pound. My ankle hurts but he thinks it's just my ligaments stretching, I'm suppose to be watching for swelling though, so far there is none.

I still don't feel like this is 100% real, I'm sure it will be when I start getting kicked in the gut. My pants are starting to get tight and I constantly have to pee but everything else is the pretty much the same. Man, do I long for the nights I didn't have to get up twice to pee. Sleeping has also gotten uncomfortable. I'm a stomach sleeper so getting used to sleeping on my side or back has been an adjustment. Also, the stairs...don't know how much longer I can do the 3 flights of stairs, I'm not sure why but they wind me more than they ever have before. I am beginning to HATE them.

I've read I'm going to experience a growth spurt in the next couple of weeks, I hope not. I'm longing to be one of those women that you can't tell are pregnant the whole way through. Yes, I know this is a delusional thought. My doctor only wants me to gain between 15 to 20 lbs this whole process, this will be tough. So far I'm  -2 in the whole process but I'm worried about the growth spurt. This number sits in my mind constantly. I know I'll be fine if I go over, but I don't want to. I DO NOT deprive myself or diet, I know I'm not suppose to do that but I'm constantly thinking and worrying about gaining too much weight. 


Eating right.....I was doing good, this last two weeks has been a complete derailment though. I will have to get back to being better. Breakfast is my best meal, I have all of the major food groups, nothing that is bad for me and it holds me off for awhile. The rest of the day, not so much. If I really want something bad for me, I've been buying it and sharing it with others. That way I don't eat all of it, it seems to be sweets are becoming my downfall. About once a week, I will break down and have a chocolate chip cookie, cupcake or something of that nature. I also allow myself one coca cola a week and one Ham, Egg and Cheese Crossanwich a week (these are the things that I love most right now).  I fear the people who eat lunch and dinner with me will suffer in their waistlines.


We find out what the baby is on August 9th. At least, I hope we do. They are doing the full ultrasound to check all of the baby's functions, like kidneys, heart, etc. I honestly do not care what it is. I wish I did have a preference. For some reason I feel like it's a boy, but I have no reasoning behind this feeling. I think a girl would be easier. I'm used to girls; I have a lot of stuff waiting for me if it's a girl but I don't know. As long as it's a beautiful healthy baby I really don't care. 


Not sure if we are going to tell anyone about the sex of the baby yet. I think it would be fun to hold everyone in suspense!!! I can hear my mother, Liz and all of the sisters and sister-in-laws objections right now as they are reading this!!! Not to mention my co-workers. (Insert evil laugh here) We have to keep some surprises right and since most people already know our favorite names, what else is there?

Starting a Blog

I'm creating this blog so I don't have to email and people can read at their leisure.  I don't know how much I will keep up with it but I'm going to try.
I'm probably going to keep this blog to stuff about the baby but I'm sure I'll want to rant about something along the way. Since this (the baby) is such a new experience for me, I thought I would chronicle it.
I'm indecisive and technologically challenged so this won't be the prettiest blog ever but it will serve it's purpose :) I'll probably change the background weekly because I can't decide.