Time Flies

Ellie is 9 weeks old as of yesterday. We are both doing pretty good.

So much has changed in this last month, even in this last week. I think it's only going to pick up the pace from here.

She giggled for the first time today. It was in her sleep. My heart melted a little. All I want now is for her to do it again. She's cried so much in the last 2 months it's a warm and welcome sound.

I'm starting prepare myself for going back to work. I REALLY don't want to go but there are some things in life in which we have no choice. In this matter I have no choice. Part of me wishes so badly that Jay had his "career job" now and was making a good salary so I could stay. Even then we would have to make sacrifices because of our student loan debt but I think I could make those.

I know that once the first couple of weeks pass this can only be a good thing. She's going to be playing with other kids, in a routine, there are no TVs, she's going to be on a curriculum-- I probably couldn't even do that. I'm going to be back amongst adults and in a routine as well. This is going to be good. Or at least that is what I'm telling myself. Every maternal instinct in me wants to be with her though and be in charge of her development and protect her but that is not a part of our story. It's just not in the cards unless I win the lottery.

We are working really really hard on a schedule. I don't know why because it's probably all going to change with the daycare situation. She still isn't sleeping through the night, which I believe that most babies this age aren't. I want to slap all of those women on the message boards who say that their babies don't cry and have been sleeping through the night since the beginning. Ugh. There were two nights in a row where she slept for 7 hours straight and I was the happiest person on the planet probably. She just tricked me with that. Her normal span is about a 5 hour and then she wakes and then another 2 or 3 hour span. She has such trouble with the startle reflex so she has to be swaddled and then when she is swaddled she wants out of it and squirms the whole night. If I put her in horizontal she usually always is vertical by the time I pick her up.

I'm hoping this startle reflex will go away soon because she's getting too big and strong for swaddling. Once that goes away we are in for some long nights! I have to say, and this is kind of cruel, but I'm going to be happy when Jay has to start helping with the night shifts. Right now he only handles about 2 on the weekends and that's it. He has no clue. Once I go back to work, it's going to be an equal opportunity night shift situation whether he likes it or not.

Another thing she is going through right now is only being quite when I'm holding her. I feel bad for Jay, it's so sad. He can barely hold her without her crying. I don't know why we've moved into this faze or how we get out of it. She will scream until she's handed to me and then shuts up. I'm sure she will have a faze when she only wants Daddy but right now this is exhausting and frustrating for me! My father came to visit and she was good for the most part but she had to be handed to me a couple of times.

We start physical therapy next Tuesday. She has torticollis. I think its going to be fine but she's going to HATE it at first. The first appointment is 1 to 2 hours long in her fussy time of the day so I'm looking forward to it...NOT. Jay is taking off and going with me so we can both watch and see what kind of stretches she's going to need to be doing. I'm not sure how involved this is going to be, I hope not too much. I'm not sure work is going to like me taking off more than once a week. I'm hoping we won't have to go back after the first visit but I'm sure that's just a pipe dream.

On my front of things I'm doing good. About two weeks ago my incision opened up on the edge which was pretty painful. It's on its way back to healing. You know they tell you not to do too much, they really mean it. Its not a joke. I had all of these glorious plans of getting into a workout routine and working off some of this weight while I was out of work and home with her. I don't think that working out is part of the c-section recovery plan as I've found out. LOL. Oh well, the plans will have to wait.

That's all I know right now. She now weighs basically 13 lbs, 23 and a half inches long and her head is 16 inches around, I think. She's a big baby. She has new hair coming in which is kind of a weird blonde/light brown/red looking hair. Her head is kind of odd right now because she has dark and light hair on it. It looks dark in most lights but in pics and in the sunlight you can see all of the different colors.

We are going home in two weekends and I can't wait for her to meet all of her Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I think her 5 aunts and 2 grandmothers are about to burst wanting to see her.