I've taken a nap, watched a lot of television, re-watched one of my favorite movies and bought myself a little thing of my all time favorite ice cream, Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide. Apparently the baby likes it too! I would take a bath in it if I could. Tonight I might play with some makeup (one of my favorite hobbies in college), take a long hot shower, deep condition my hair and rent a movie through On Demand.
In college, Jay worked Friday nights. Almost every friday night he was at work. I spent many of those nights just like this, doing what I wanted to do and eating things Jay refused to eat. I miss those nights. They come around only once or twice a year now and soon it will be probably be even less. Don't get me wrong I'm excited about the future and having someone to take care of but I know I need to cherish the solitude of this weekend. I only wish I didn't share a building with someone because I would love to be able to sing really loud like I used to in high school. I guess I always have the car for that.
This week:
Nothing much happened this week except for me expanding. I broke down and bought one of those fabric bands that will "extend" the life of your pants. I don't need it yet, but I can tell it's coming and at least I'll already have it here when I do.
Last weekend I had kind of a mini meltdown. Well, not really a meltdown, I just cried, which has become a common occurrence so I guess you could say it was a normal day. I started looking into the actual "having" the baby part. It freaked me out a little bit. I would like someone to knock me out and wake me up when it's over. I seem to recall my mother in law saying that happened with her first child, can we go back to those days? That would be awesome, my sister in law is perfectly normal so I know it doesn't hurt the baby. Also, what happened to the Dad's waiting outside? I'm not into all this touchy feely, enjoy the experience and let's film and watch it in a mirror thing.
I truly do believe it's a miracle, but it's a gross miracle. I would like to bypass the gross part and get to the part where we are holding the baby and it's all cute and stuff. I started crying and told Jay that I had changed my mind and would like to have a baby without actually having a baby....LOL. Of course I haven't but I was just freaked out.
Jay is already saying he's not going to cut the cord because that's too gross. I just keep thinking...buddy you better toughen up because you have no idea. I told him he's going to have to or they are going to think he's a weirdo. He says he might pass out...oh geez, I might be better off with him in the waiting room. He seems to think he's somehow going to be in the room with me and miss all of the gross stuff. My husband is delusional.
I've never broken anything, been in the hospital, etc, so it all freaks me out. I got on some blog and read about some of the gory details. I shouldn't have. I figured it's better to know than to not know, I immediatly regretted this decision. The pooping and peeing yourself, while plugged up to machines and being numb from the waste down really got to me. Not to mention what they say happens after!! This is not how babies arrive in the story books. Can someone just get me a stork please?
I think I felt a kick, I can't tell. I've felt it a couple of times but it might be gas, who knows. One was towards my lower back, it felt like a very light flick or bubble popping.
I did find out about my maternity leave, so I can check that off the list. I just have to decide if I'm going to work up until I have the baby or make a scheduled day my last day. I guess I'll have to wait and see how thing progress, that might be a decision I can't make until November. I also am going to have to decide how long I'm going to take. I can take 12 weeks, how much of those I get paid is up to short term disability. More than likely it will be 6 weeks paid though.
A large part of me wants to take the full 12 weeks but I'm a sales person, I don't make diddly doo if I'm not in my seat at work selling mortgages. It's going to take me at least 3 months to rebuild everything when I get back and start making money again so if I take the full 12 weeks, I might not start making money again until June of next year! I do get a base pay but it's less than what the part time gas station clerk makes so I won't be totally without. We shall see. It's probably going to depend on the daycare situation too, I might not be able to take a baby that's two months old. I guess I need to start working on that. I need to start googling best daycares in the metroplex. I wish I could pay someone to do the research for me, also I need someone to grocery shop and clean the house too :) They also need to perform these services for free. Please let me know if you know anyone?
Decisions, decisions. It'll all work out though.
Stop reading the internet!!!!!!!! I SWEAR child-birth is not as bad as it sounds (or looks). With Jonathan, I won't lie - it was ROUGH. But I went all natural ... not even a tylenol in the delivery room. It was bad ... but once it was over, it was pretty much over. Sore, yes. But traumatized, no. With Noah, it was nothing. Epidural!!!! Lots of pressure, but not a lot of pain. In fact, I wanted to find the inventor of the epidural and give him a big ole kiss - alive or not! Haha! Greg didn't cut the cord either. He ended up watching at the end ... but he's been to war and has seen much worse hahahaha - Jay might not want to watch. I can't handle the site of blood coming out of me. Greg cut his arm open and ended up with 17 stitches. Didn't bother me. I had a small cut on my wrist from a broken window and almost passed out! So no mirror for me either! I think you'll be fine. You'll be glad to have Jay there. Just tell him if you feel crowded or if you need hair out of your eyes ... that sort of thing. He'll listen! Even stubborn Greg listened to stuff like that in that moment. hahahaha I totally understand your feeling like you need to take advantage of every "by yourself" moment. They don't come around too terribly often. But, there will be a day - several years away - when you are by yourself again (if only for a couple of hours) and you'll enjoy them just as much! I get those every now and then. Y'all are going to be FABULOUS parents!! I love how you are planning everything that's coming up now! I've had people call me and want me to keep their baby and I was full and they had to start work the next week! WHAT!?!?!? But, you are still about 4 1/2 months out and you're already thinking about it. That's wonderful. :) I wish y'all were closer - I would LOVE to keep baby Hawkins. LOL Good luck with that though. Robyn found someone for Zoey when they lived in VA. Y'all will too. I would ask around your office (Jay too). Word of mouth and personal references go a lot farther in my book than strangers recommending someone online. But, either way, you'll find just the right person/daycare!
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