Losing my mind

Pregnancy brain, fact or fiction? FACT!!!!

I have become a complete ditz. Like really, so far this week I've gone the wrong way in our building coming out of the bathroom, gotten out of the car with the keys still in the ignition, every time I go to the doctor I have to pee in a cup- this week went straight into the bathroom, sat down peed, walked right out without ever looking at the cup, forgot to take my vitamins twice. I did something else that I can't remember and Jay looked at me like I had lost my mind. It has to be all of the things swirling around in my head between baby stuff, work, home, etc. My co-workers think its hilarious.

I got her bedding already, it's very simple but sweet. I would post a picture but it is monogrammed so that's not happening. It's the Harper bedding from Pottery Barn, in chocolate brown. I think you have to go under the boy's section to see the chocolate brown, but it doesn't look masculine at all. The sheet is brown and white polka dot.

My friend is insisting on this shower thing. Jay is upset because she picked the same day as the LSU/Ole Miss game but he can just get over it. If I have to go to this thing, he does too. I've made a lot of concessions over the last 15 years for football, mainly this past year with the anniversary thing, he can sacrifice one game for a freakin baby shower. I've got almost everything I need to start off, just missing a few things. On the breastfeeding stuff, I just made my best guess because I'm clueless. I made two lists one on BuyBuyBaby and one on Amazon, but the Amazon one is just fun stuff like books/movies and toys and it's under my maiden name.

Still deciding on her middle name. I've narrowed it down to 2. Can't decide which one I like better.


In medical news:

Had my first "weekly" visit this week. This week was for a non-stress test. They basically hooked me up to a monitor to chart her heartbeat and I had to push a button every time I hear her move. Of course, my child would be sitting really deep and I had to press the monitor into my stomach for 30 mins. My arm was so sore. But even with that it was still kind of relaxing and reassuring to sit and listen to her heart go for 30 mins though, you could hear her moving too. Got a flu shot too, so I should be good there. My mom wants Jay to go get the whooping cough shot, I don't think I can get it but she said he needs to because it's so dangerous for babies to get that.

I also had an appointment with the dietician. I've lost 3 lbs in one week. No one seemed to be concerned, so I guess that's okay. That puts me at 4 for the total pregnancy and she weighs about 4, so not sure how that works out.

My blood sugar numbers have been okay. This last week has been very very frustrating, I seem to have taken a turn for the worse. The supper numbers and some of the other numbers were just completely out of whack. I had a ham and cheese panini, which literally consisted of two pieces of whole grain bread, 4 oz's of ham and a piece of american cheese. NOTHING ELSE, and my blood sugar was 143. That's the highest it's been. The other 3 nights were just as baffling.  I ate things I've eaten since I got this and the numbers were much higher. The dietician was scratching her head too.

After we talked about it, I realized that this last week has been what is called "month end" at work. We had to have our loans done by Thursday for them to count. And right now we are having to do everything to get them done, no one else is helping. It's extremely stressful, and I'm sure I make it more so because I put so much pressure on myself. We deduced that this has to be what is going on. I can't believe stress would raise your blood sugar 40 points, but the dietician says it most certainly could. So now, I have to do some light exercise after my meal if I'm under a lot of stress, which when am I not? It's easy for someone to say just stop stressing and worrying but it's what I do, it's what I've always done, it's just who I am. I don't know how to be any different.

I think I'm going to end up on insulin. The doctor asked me how I felt about it, so I think he's trying to ease me into the idea. I told him I didn't want to do it but obviously if I need it I certainly will. It's only for a little while. I can do anything for a little while. I'm pretty sure he's going to do this on my next visit on Thursday, especially after he sees my numbers of this last week and weekend. I didn't take them to him this week so he was talking about insulin before seeing how bad they've gotten. I get an ultrasound on Thursday so she's being monitored very closely :)

That's all I know. Still working on the house. It feels so industrial, I'm trying to figure out how to make it look more comfortable. I'm sure it's just going to take some time.

The Realness

Well everything just got really real this week. Only have 8 and 1/2 weeks to go.

Got the 4D ultrasound done. Baby Hawk is beautiful. She looks like her Dad to me but she's still got 2 more months to cook so you never know. Jay and I are kind of similar anyway, as his Mom pointed out. I can't believe that that little thing is swimming around in there. I can feel her moving around a good bit more now, she must sleep a lot though because she only does around eating time.

Speaking of eating time. I now have to eat 6 small meals a day, write everything down and take my blood sugar 4 times a day. It's not too bad. I am, or I thought I was, doing really well until the doctor told me otherwise. The dietitian said that I needed to keep my blood sugar under 120, I was doing really well. The doctor wants me to keep it below 105! I don't think non-diabetics can keep this number. My 7 day average has been 107, so I guess it's attainable. I've made a few mis-steps in the last week. The worst was going to the greek restaurant, the guy assured me it was a wheat pita but it was NOT. My reading was 135 after that lunch. I won't be eating greek anymore.

We also got all moved in. I feel like I'm living in a hotel. We need rugs and lots of them and we need to hang curtains and pictures.  It also still smells like fresh paint so it feels like we don't live here.

We also ordered the nursery furniture today and crib bedding. I'm really nervous now because we should have done it earlier. They said it would take 8-10 weeks to be delivered (the furniture, at least), which means I won't have time to set up it up before I have her. I guess there are worse things in the world but I really wanted everything to be done. Her crib bedding is going to be really simple, it's just white and chocolate brown. The room is beige and brown it was the only thing that was going to work that we agreed on.

I really really do have a dilema though. My friend at work is INSISTING on giving me a shower at her house. I do not want one, period. Number one, because I literally go to work and home, I don't know anyone outside of those two places. This is going to be the most pathetic shower ever, like 3 people are going to be there. (I'm not exaggerating, really I'm not. Can you hire friends?)  I tried to tell her this and actually begged her but she won't listen. Number two, I really don't get into girlie things like "baby games", etc. It's just not my style. Number three, I don't really like being the center of attention. Geez, it's stressing me out. I'm going to have to tell her that she's causing me more stress and it's doing more harm than good. I appreciate her wanting to do something nice, I really do, but it's too stressful.

And finally, last but not least. The doctor says he's going to try to take me to 39 weeks. So to pencil in December 18th if I haven't had her by then. I have to start going once a week to do alternating non-stress tests and ultrasounds. I got upset when he told me this because I thought something was really wrong for him to want me to come in so much but my mom assures me that this is what they do with G.D. babies to monitor them and make sure that they don't get to big. It's just a lot. I go there once a week and to the dietician once every other week. I also got upset because in some way I feel like I did this to my baby. She's having to be monitored so much because I'm overweight and my body can't control itself. It made me really sad. The one thing I take comfort in is I'm at least going to be able to see her 4 more times before I have her due to all the ultrasounds.

Blood Pressure is still good, didn't gain any weight. Stomach grew and baby gained almost 1.5 to 2 lbs in 2 weeks. That's a lot but the ultrasound tech says that there is usually a growth spurt around 30 weeks.

Baby Hawk

Sugar Sugar

Well it's official. I've got the diabetes or I guess I can now say, "I've got the sugar", as the older ladies used to say when they came in to the pharmacy I used to work at.

I found out on Tuesday after taking the 3 hour test on Monday. I was upset, I even cried a little but again I cry very easily these days. The nurse says I barely failed but to me a fail is a fail. I'm sure she could tell how upset I was in my voice, so she was probably just trying to not freak me out. I should have known by the way the syrup was effecting me in the 3 hours after it was a given. But I don't understand how 100g of sugar on an empty stomach doesn't effect everybody in that way! I guess it doesn't. 

SO, they are going to try to control my numbers without insulin, just diet and some VERY VERY light exercise. I can't let my heart rate get over 140 so that will be some slow walking since my heart rate runs a little higher than most people's. 

I had to go to a 2 hour meeting with a dietician today to show me what I need to eat and show me how to use my blood glucose monitor. Basically I can eat almost anything in moderation but small meals 6 times a day. No fruit juices, sodas, white bread or pasta or fried food. I can handle that. She even said if I plan correctly I can have some sweets on occasion. She said, you are 7 and half months pregnant and the holidays are coming up, I'm not going to tell you no sweets. Well, thank you lady. I appreciate that! 

I have to write all of this down and monitor my blood sugar levels and if I go 5 days straight and can't get them down, then I have to call them. If not, I go back in 2 weeks so they can review my data, tweak it if needed, etc. If I have to get on insulin it looks like it won't be for at least a month from now. Although, with all of these rules I'm starting to think insulin might be easier, LOL. Just kidding I know it's better for me to control this with diet. 

I did get a little teary eyed when they told me about what all it does to the baby and how it might can effect the baby if we don't get it under control. I'm sure they were just trying to scare me but it's still upsetting. 

I also got a lecture about stress, the work hours I've been keeping and skipping meals (of all the days, I got really busy at work and forgot to eat lunch, my blood sugar when we were doing our demonstration was 154, she said I simply cannot skip meals anymore-period. They want it to be 80-120). 

So I've had that going on, on top of packing/moving this weekend, on top of some crazy B.S. happening at work. I've had a lot of different things to juggle this week. I'm hoping once we get this move behind us, I will feel a whole lot better. 

The single most hardest part of all of this is going to be letting go of working so much. I'm just going to have to walk away sometimes and not get everything done. I can't work 7:30 to 6:30 anymore, she told me that was too much, especially in a high stress situation. She's right but its hard to let go of. This will be my challenge. The rest I can handle, this I will struggle with.

The name has finally been negotiated out. There were some serious negotations but I think we've gotten it worked out. Jay's getting first name rights to this baby, I get middle name rights. We both of two vetos and it will be opposite on any future children, if any, past Baby Hawk. We shook on it so I think it's a deal. Having trouble with the nickname, because this particular name has several nicknames that go with it but we will work it out. It's not a crazy name but I think it will be a surprise to most people. 

Move day tomorrow!!!

Sippin on some Sizzurp...........

Doctor's appointment today. 28 weeks. Took the glucose test. I think I had so much anxiety built up and still do, I didn't sleep much last night. Plus I had a lot of work stuff floating around in my head too.

So, I move into the third trimester having gained gained 5 lbs. Overall that's 7 lbs. (if you are counting, which I am). I'm a little nervous about the test because I was super dizzy after the drink and then I wanted to go into like a sugar induced deep sleep about 30 mins to an hour later. Maybe that's normal though. 

The baby girl, now being referred to at work as Baby Hawk, weighs 2 lbs 12 oz. I'm not sure how they know this but she said they can figure it out. They said she looks good. All things look like they are functioning well. She wouldn't look at the sonogram thing though so no good shots of her face. I did get to see her kick around though. Her feet are definitely low. BUT we are springing for the 4D ultrasound in two weeks since we haven't really gotten a good picture of her yet. Very excited about this. 

In two days, we will have our 1 year anniversary. Which will be spent apart, one of us at a ballgame and the other shopping for wedding outfits. It's okay though, we both took Monday off to spend together. Plus we've been together for so long, I think we will be okay. This is what I get for getting married in football season. At least this only happens once every 7 years!

Also in one week we are moving. Very exciting but very overwhelming. We have so much to do and as much as I'm impressed of what he does have done, my husband is the worst procrastinator in the world. We have about two weeks worth of packing to do and one week, well less than one week to do it. 

Once we get in there, I'm going to have to go through everything and get moving on what I need and what I don't. I have almost everything, thanks to one very generous sister in law but there are a few things that I need. One things for sure, this baby is going to have much nicer stuff than her mother and father do, like furniture. Our bedroom consists of a hami-down dresser, target nightstands and a sofa table from Fred's that's been converted into a makeup table. No headboard but that's okay. I think I better get used to this fact. You always want better for your child than what you have for yourself. 

Almost done on the daycare front. We visited two more and I think I've pretty decided on one that is around the corner from work. It's not as nice as the first one we saw but it's clean, has closed circuit tv, $500 less a month, and everyone seems really nice. I also have a co-worker that has a little girl in there and she's been very happy. I guess that's all you ask for an infant. 

I'm officially out of my jeans and due to a broken zipper situation out of my black pants, although my regular black pants are more comfortable and fit better than the maternity pants. I'm so upset about the zipper, it's not fixable. 

That's all I got. Will update in two weeks when I've actually seen Baby Hawk's face!

Low Rider

Almost another 2 weeks are down. 

Her kicks are getting stronger, still not strong enough for Jay to feel her though. She usually moves around about 30 mins after I eat and right before I go to bed, then randomly throughout the day. She's apparently a low rider. I can't feel her at all around my belly button or anything. I mainly feel kicks around my bladder and intestines. 

My jeans have gotten uncomfortable and I started wearing the band thing last weekend when I wear them. My black pants still fit. I went ahead and bought some maternity clothes. Just two pair of jeans, one pair of black pants and a tank top. I'm holding off as long as I can but at least I have a back-up if I need to. I wore the jeans for the first time today for reasons listed below. I can't tell you how weird it is to walk around in public in pants that don't zip or button. They are still a little big so they felt like they were going to fall down the whole time. 

The daycare saga continues. We were on our way to see another one yesterday morning and I got into a car wreck. I've never been in a car wreck before and it was totally my fault. I was so upset with myself. I'm a CAREFUL driver dammit, this is the first blemish on my record. I was going up a street in a very industrial area and every stop was a 4-way stop and I was looking for the street numbers on the buildings because I was trying to find the daycare (why I wasn't using the GPS on my phone and/or car, I don't know). I came to the (what I thought) was a 4 way stop and apparently it wasn't. I didn't yield and a lady plowed right into the side of my car. Poor Jay, he had to watch it all from his car right behind me. I'm fine, just a little sore. My car, not so much. The other lady's car, totaled. The adjuster said it was like $10k worth of damage on my car and it's going to take 2 to 3 weeks to fix. Ugh, my beautiful new car. I'm glad I was in the new car instead of the mustang!!! 

This is why I had to break down and wear the maternity jeans. I was worried about being sore so I wanted to wear the loosest thing I had to work the next day. It wasn't too bad but Tylenol sucks. It could've been MUCH worse so I'm very lucky. I was in a very industrial area so it could've been an 18 wheeler instead of a Toyota Venza and also I could've been by myself instead of having Jay there with me.  My pimpin rental is a Dodge Caravan. I will be trading it in very shortly though. I'm not rocking the minivan for another 15 days. 

Well it's time to start packing. We only have 2 weekends to pack before we move because we are going back to Oxford the weekend before we move. I'm so excited, I can't wait to get out of this apartment. I feel like everything has been put on hold until we move. When we get in there I can figure out what dimensions are where and what I need, etc, etc. Plus NO MORE STAIRS!!!! YEAH!!!!

My next appointment is on October 4th. I have to take the blood sugar test. Looking forward to that, not really. BUT I do get to have an ultrasound, which I love. My co-workers have decided to play the game of feed the pregnant lady. They bring me cake, etc. They've picked up on the fact that sweets are now irresistible to me, especially chocolate cake. Do you know how hard that is to resist? Baby Hawk likes cake, she takes after her Daddy on that. I'm going to have to nip the sweet feedings in the bud. It seems like everyone is always having a damn birthday. 

We are down to two names. I'm hoping Jay will break soon, he broke on the other one he was so adamant about, so I just need to wait him out. That's my game plan. I'm pretty hard headed, so he's no match for me...(insert evil laugh). Although, his patience and waiting skills are legendary. This shall be an epic battle. We both call her by the names we want so she will be very confused by the time she gets here.  

6 months down, 3 to go

Had an appointment today. 24 weeks and all is well.

My BP is good, I didn't gain any weight this month (which is amazing to me) and her heartbeat was 160. No sonogram today, he just listened to the heartbeat and measured my stomach, I've grown some centimeters but I can't remember how much. Had a small moment when he couldn't find the heartbeat but I should have told him she was more towards my back or at least that is where she is kicking, there and my lower intestines/bladder. He found her and said it was nice and strong. He says I'm doing great but I'm sure he says that to all the ladies :)

Next month I do get to have an ultrasound and have to take the glucose test. I'm NOT looking forward to that. I've taken that drink before and almost gagged, plus I have to sit there for an hour. I guess I'll need to bring a book! Oh well, I gotta do it.

There is a lot going on right now. I've started the daycare search process. We've looked at one and have an appointment with another on Monday. I'm going to look at 3 and unless the others are a good bit cheaper I'm probably going to get on the "waiting list" for the 1st one. Most of the people reading this have already heard about it but it's Willy Wonka's wonderland for babies. It's incredibly expensive but looks like everything out here is or at least the ones I feel comfortable leaving my baby with.

After I'm done and have made a decision on the daycare thing, I'm moving on the pediatrician. I got some recommendations from the doctor today, I've just got to figure out who's insurance is cheaper and who's in what network.

Jay has been put totally in charge of the move, I'm leaving it up to him. I can't do everything although it's driving me nuts to give up planning control.  I've warned him that his legendary procrastination skills will not work for this move, he has to book movers soon, etc, etc. or he will be moving all by himself :) To his credit though, he has already started packing us up and getting quotes. If you knew the stories, you would be impressed with this.

All of this has just got me very nervous about money. It seems that EVERYTHING is getting more expensive and is happening simultaneously with my work getting harder and harder to make money and more stressful. I know it will all work out and there are people who've made it way worse off than us but I've been dirt poor and in a place where all I could afford was Ramens and Totinos, I don't want to go back there. Whatever happens I know we are going to be okay.  I've been so careful and cautious these last couple of years in trying to get us out of that place, all of this extra expense seems like we are headed on a freight train back. I'm sure it's just me being overly anxious. Your money anxieties triple when you work commission. Jay and my co-workers are all over me about stress and working too much. Bad timing that my work has gotten more stressful than it's EVER been right when I get pregnant. They should have consulted with me and my family planning goals before making their decisions, I am that important after all :) I worked 12.5 hours the day before we left to go home. None of them were pleased, I was so exhausted I could barely see straight. I won't do it again, because I've taken so much crap about it and I know it's not good for me. I've limited myself to 30 extra mins a day and then I just have to get up and leave.

I've also got some kind of overwhelming urge to have everything done with the apartment/baby room before December. I'm having to keep myself from buying stuff too early because I don't even know what is going to fit and what isn't in the new apartment. But I just want to get it taken care of already. I think it's a combination of I'm excited to be somewhere new and I don't want to have to deal with this in December. I've also been trashing a lot of things in our house that we don't use.

I've dragged Jay to furniture stores, etc. By the way, if you want some afternoon entertainment you should "big purchase" shop with me and Jay. Two opinionated, analytical people who don't like to drop a lot of cash at one sitting shouldn't be allowed to shop together. At one point, one of the furniture people said, "I think you two have seen just about everything in here". This is because we circle the store and debate our opinions...LOL...you know, the pros and cons, and try to convince the other that we are right. Then at some point Jay just says "Get whatever you want" and then I get really mad because I know he's shut down and he's done. I want your opinion dammit and I want you to tell me and argue with me as to why mine is wrong.

We signed up for the "6 week" course of baby/birth education. I would say after my attempt at swaddling a paper towel roll this last weekend, I might need it or the poor baby might get hurt :)

That's all for now. Talk to you later.

Girl Talk

Well it's week 21 and it's a girl. I believe that most of the people that read this already know this though. I didn't care either way, but am a little relieved. I know girls, I do not know boys. I should've known with so many girls on my side of the family and so many on Jay's, we didn't have a shot at a boy. Now the great name debate will commence. It's going to end up being like the couch, we disagreed so much by the time we found one that was acceptable to both of us, we jumped on it.

This is going to sound absolutely nuts but I still don't think this feels 100% real to me. I'm slowly and cautiously talking about it more, getting more excited/nervous about it but for some reason it doesn't feel like it's really happening. I don't know what it's going to take to officially set in, it may never set in. I mean, I'm getting bigger, I started feeling little what I assume are kicks every once in awhile and I'm hungrier than I've ever been but it still feels like I'm in some kind of a dream and I'm going to wake up. I kept looking at the sonogram pictures and thinking, that's really in there? Are we sure? There is one where she is looking right at us, and it just seems so odd to me. This has been very hard for Jay to understand.

All other things at the doctor were good except......I gained 6 lbs.  I was very upset, yes...yes...I know there are other people that have gained a lot more weight than I have at this point but I just have this number looming in my head that I can't gain more than this amount. I will not make it, I know but it's still upsetting. Jay got upset with me because I was getting so upset about the weight. He said I cared more about that than finding out it was a girl. That's not true at all. I was excited but I was also mad at myself. Plus this plays back to the it's not 100% real thing, it's all such an outer body experience to me it's hard for me to express excitement. Before we went in, he asked me to act a little more emotional than just saying "That's cool" when we found out, like I did last time. This in turn made me more self conscious and I just started rambling in the room and felt weird.

This last month, I completely let it all go and have eaten what I wanted to and what was convenient. I've developed a definite sweet tooth. I would prefer to eat sweets over anything right now but I'm not giving in as much as I want to.  Thank the lord there isn't a dairy queen anywhere around me because their damn commercials make me salivate and they seem to sponsor everything out here. This next month, with the exceptions of trips home, we've got to rein it in. It's not good for us or the baby.

Blood pressure was perfect again, he said that all of her functions such as heart, kidneys, etc looked good. I started feeling little bubbles, more at night than anytime, she seems to be more active then or maybe I'm not busy selling loans or doing anything else that I actually feel it.

We have a new apartment, and I'm excited. I've literally started counting the days on the stairs. I hate them. I can't decide what to do about the baby's room though. I want to try to put some kind of bed/couch/futon/daybed type deal in there for when people visit, but then I think I'll just get a really nice blow up mattress since people rarely visit us anyway. Don't know what to do but I've got some time to figure it out. One things for sure, the baby's room faces east, so I will be buying blackout curtains!!

That's all I've got right now.  Talk to you later.