Solitude

This weekend it's just me, well sort of. This will probably be the last time I'll be completely by myself and free to do whatever I feel like for a very long time. So what have a done, NOTHING :)

I've taken a nap, watched a lot of television, re-watched one of my favorite movies and bought myself a  little thing of my all time favorite ice cream, Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide. Apparently the baby likes it too! I would take a bath in it if I could. Tonight I might play with some makeup (one of my favorite hobbies in college), take a long hot shower, deep condition my hair and rent a movie through On Demand. 

In college, Jay worked Friday nights. Almost every friday night he was at work. I spent many of those nights just like this, doing what I wanted to do and eating things Jay refused to eat. I miss those nights. They come around only once or twice a year now and soon it will be probably be even less. Don't get me wrong I'm excited about the future and having someone to take care of but I know I need to cherish the solitude of this weekend. I only wish I didn't share a building with someone because I would love to be able to sing really loud like I used to in high school. I guess I always have the car for that.

This week:

Nothing much happened this week except for me expanding. I broke down and bought one of those fabric bands that will "extend" the life of your pants. I don't need it yet, but I can tell it's coming and at least I'll already have it here when I do. 

Last weekend I had kind of a mini meltdown. Well, not really a meltdown, I just cried, which has become a common occurrence so I guess you could say it was a normal day. I started looking into the actual "having" the baby part. It freaked me out a little bit. I would like someone to knock me out and wake me up when it's over. I seem to recall my mother in law saying that happened with her first child, can we go back to those days? That would be awesome, my sister in law is perfectly normal so I know it doesn't hurt the baby. Also, what happened to the Dad's waiting outside? I'm not into all this touchy feely, enjoy the experience and let's film and watch it in a mirror thing. 

I truly do believe it's a miracle, but it's a gross miracle. I would like to bypass the gross part and get to the part where we are holding the baby and it's all cute and stuff. I started crying and told Jay that I had changed my mind and would like to have a baby without actually having a baby....LOL. Of course I haven't but I was just freaked out. 

Jay is already saying he's not going to cut the cord because that's too gross. I just keep thinking...buddy you better toughen up because you have no idea. I told him he's going to have to or they are going to think he's a weirdo. He says he might pass out...oh geez, I might be better off with him in the waiting room. He seems to think he's somehow going to be in the room with me and miss all of the gross stuff. My husband is delusional.

I've never broken anything, been in the hospital, etc, so it all freaks me out. I got on some blog and read about some of the gory details. I shouldn't have. I figured it's better to know than to not know, I immediatly regretted this decision. The pooping and peeing yourself, while plugged up to machines and being numb from the waste down really got to me. Not to mention what they say happens after!! This is not how babies arrive in the story books. Can someone just get me a stork please?  

I think I felt a kick, I can't tell. I've felt it a couple of times but it might be gas, who knows. One was towards my lower back, it felt like a very light flick or bubble popping. 

I did find out about my maternity leave, so I can check that off the list. I just have to decide if I'm going to work up until I have the baby or make a scheduled day my last day. I guess I'll have to wait and see how thing progress, that might be a decision I can't make until November. I also am going to have to decide how long I'm going to take. I can take 12 weeks, how much of those I get paid is up to short term disability. More than likely it will be 6 weeks paid though. 

A large part of me wants to take the full 12 weeks but I'm a sales person, I don't make diddly doo if I'm not in my seat at work selling mortgages. It's going to take me at least 3 months to rebuild everything when I get back and start making money again so if I take the full 12 weeks, I might not start making money again until June of next year! I do get a base pay but it's less than what the part time gas station clerk makes so I won't be totally without. We shall see. It's probably going to depend on the daycare situation too, I might not be able to take a baby that's two months old. I guess I need to start working on that. I need to start googling best daycares in the metroplex. I wish I could pay someone to do the research for me, also I need someone to grocery shop and clean the house too :) They also need to perform these services for free. Please let me know if you know anyone?

Decisions, decisions. It'll all work out though. 

17 weeks, almost 18

On Tuesday I will be 18 weeks. Almost half way through. Went to the doctor at 16 weeks and everything is fine. I heard the heartbeat, which was very reassuring. My blood pressure is perfect and I lost one pound. My ankle hurts but he thinks it's just my ligaments stretching, I'm suppose to be watching for swelling though, so far there is none.

I still don't feel like this is 100% real, I'm sure it will be when I start getting kicked in the gut. My pants are starting to get tight and I constantly have to pee but everything else is the pretty much the same. Man, do I long for the nights I didn't have to get up twice to pee. Sleeping has also gotten uncomfortable. I'm a stomach sleeper so getting used to sleeping on my side or back has been an adjustment. Also, the stairs...don't know how much longer I can do the 3 flights of stairs, I'm not sure why but they wind me more than they ever have before. I am beginning to HATE them.

I've read I'm going to experience a growth spurt in the next couple of weeks, I hope not. I'm longing to be one of those women that you can't tell are pregnant the whole way through. Yes, I know this is a delusional thought. My doctor only wants me to gain between 15 to 20 lbs this whole process, this will be tough. So far I'm  -2 in the whole process but I'm worried about the growth spurt. This number sits in my mind constantly. I know I'll be fine if I go over, but I don't want to. I DO NOT deprive myself or diet, I know I'm not suppose to do that but I'm constantly thinking and worrying about gaining too much weight. 


Eating right.....I was doing good, this last two weeks has been a complete derailment though. I will have to get back to being better. Breakfast is my best meal, I have all of the major food groups, nothing that is bad for me and it holds me off for awhile. The rest of the day, not so much. If I really want something bad for me, I've been buying it and sharing it with others. That way I don't eat all of it, it seems to be sweets are becoming my downfall. About once a week, I will break down and have a chocolate chip cookie, cupcake or something of that nature. I also allow myself one coca cola a week and one Ham, Egg and Cheese Crossanwich a week (these are the things that I love most right now).  I fear the people who eat lunch and dinner with me will suffer in their waistlines.


We find out what the baby is on August 9th. At least, I hope we do. They are doing the full ultrasound to check all of the baby's functions, like kidneys, heart, etc. I honestly do not care what it is. I wish I did have a preference. For some reason I feel like it's a boy, but I have no reasoning behind this feeling. I think a girl would be easier. I'm used to girls; I have a lot of stuff waiting for me if it's a girl but I don't know. As long as it's a beautiful healthy baby I really don't care. 


Not sure if we are going to tell anyone about the sex of the baby yet. I think it would be fun to hold everyone in suspense!!! I can hear my mother, Liz and all of the sisters and sister-in-laws objections right now as they are reading this!!! Not to mention my co-workers. (Insert evil laugh here) We have to keep some surprises right and since most people already know our favorite names, what else is there?

Starting a Blog

I'm creating this blog so I don't have to email and people can read at their leisure.  I don't know how much I will keep up with it but I'm going to try.
I'm probably going to keep this blog to stuff about the baby but I'm sure I'll want to rant about something along the way. Since this (the baby) is such a new experience for me, I thought I would chronicle it.
I'm indecisive and technologically challenged so this won't be the prettiest blog ever but it will serve it's purpose :) I'll probably change the background weekly because I can't decide.